[Mood:Smiling on the outside,hurting in the inside] [Listening to:Over It by Katherine Mcphee]
Was a rather tiring day today.Not very productive.
Anyway,went to Mid Valley to do some last minute shopping for tomorrow's trip to Lumut.
Was going there for 3 days and 2 nights.
Attending some formal event.
Bought a new book from the Gossips series.
You guys should get one of it too.Worth reading.
Then head on to town to straighten and cut my fringe.
End up,i LOVE my new firnge now more then my others.
:)
Also,i got a suprise visit from Shana on Friday.
She totally made my day.
Was so glad to see her.
Seeing her reminds me that i'm not alone.That i still have a bunch of people out there who still loves me and will always be with me.
Not like some certain people who turns out to dissapoint me instead.
:(
I still can get you outta my mind.You really do make a serious impression on me although after all the things that you've done to me.
Argh.
What can i say?
Let time heal it all?
=.=
I wish...
School tomorrow.Wonder what's everyone gonna say bout my new haircut?
Hahas.
This post is getting unproductive,so i'm gonna stop now.
See ya. :D
-I wish i had the old you back-
Boy , I Love You .
10:35 PM
♥ Wednesday, April 25, 2007
[Mood:Tired] [Listening to:In school now]
Sorry for the lack of updates.
Was so caught up lately that i don't even have the time to go online.
:(
School was as usual?(can i still say that?)
Hmmm..
I bet all you Sedayans out there are just waiting for my post about what happened between me and Charlie right?
That why when we seem to be all sweet and all and suddenly to down right enemies?
Haha.
I'm actually thinking.Why do i even have to bother to explain the whole situation?So that you guys can come and ask me more questions?
Oh well.
I'll do it anyway.Not for the sake of you guys,but for my very own sake.
I'm sure that practically ALL of the upper secondary students know about what that had happened.
Maybe not the whole story and what actually happened but they'll sure know that a huge argument took place between me and Charlie.
He suddenly started showing rude signs to my friend who never did a shit to him.And after break i found out some news that i half wish i never heard about.
The fucker backstab me again.And i was kind enough to let him go the first time.
Seriously,in life you shouldn't give in too much.People will just end up taking advantage of you.I'm serious ok.
So,when i heard that news from someone and found out that its true,i don't know why but suddenly my tears just spill out.
And i don't even bother controlling them either.It's like i don't wanna care about anything anymore.
So i cried and people around me got shock and resulted to comforting me and the rest keeping their mouth shut for once.
Then talked to some people about it and found out MORE crap.
I was on the verge of tears again.
Then i talked to Charlie just for a short while and this never ended well.We end up screaming at each other.All because of some fucking people.
You know that i'm talking about you,you fucking bastard.And i know you read my blog reguarly and create crap from there.You pathetic fool.
I was thinking of just forgetting about it,but afterthinking it through and talking to Aki and the rest,i felt that i could not just let you slip away that easily again after causing so much havoc and shit in my life.
I just couldn't.
These two days,i kept on ending up crying.Crying till i can cry no more.
You happy now?
---
To you***
I just dunno what to say to you anymore.
I'm just so dissapointed in you.
I can't believe that you actually believed what that stupid friend of yours said and not trusting me instead.
You just heard rumours and you believed them.
And all this shit that you're doing now are just hurting me more.Do you know that?
I really miss the old you.The one that i used to love.
I can't say much anymore after what happened between us.And i don't think i should also.
Why bother anymore?
Sigh.
I saw something that i was i didn't see.
But i hope that you will come to your senses soon.
I pray for the best for you always.
But the choices is made by you.
-i love the old you-
Boy , I Love You .
2:55 PM
♥ Monday, April 23, 2007
[Mood: [Listening to:-]
Currently in school so no songs available.
Argh.I dont even know how to describe my current mood right now?
Something happened and it was ermm..basically not good.At all.
I dunno if it actually involves me or not.Boy,i really hope not.Cause if it does,i would probably just break down like that.
Argh.
Can't i just get peace and happiness for one freaking day?
Am i asking for too much?
Must i go through shit every single day?
Huh?Must i?
Dammit.
---
I'm gonna try my luck afterwards.Hopefully today's my day.
*crosses fingers*
All i'm afraid is that i'll just back out at the last moment after what had happened just now.
Oh God please don't let it be what i'm afraid it will be.
-will we be together?-
Boy , I Love You .
10:38 AM
♥ Friday, April 20, 2007
[Mood:Sick and Sad] [Listening to:Bei Pian Le by 2moro]
Today has been plain..crappy?
:(
I finally got the courage to do something,but maybe this just isn't my day.
So not being able to do that for the particular someone really made me feel so down.
Now thinking back about what that had happened todya,i felt so mad at myself.I'm so mad at myself for being such an idiot.
I got a few chances but i did not jump at it.
I just felt like kicking myself in the ass for being so fucking dumb.
Dammit.
I always felt that if you really love a person and that person feels the same way,then you shouldn't let something special like that go.
And i just did.
---
Had St.John training today.If i'm not wrong its the alst lesson already?
Wasn't paying that much attention during theory lessons cause i was feeling sooo down.
Then one of the St.John teachers did something shocking to me.
Sorry for not updating these few days.Was realy busy and caught up with all the things happening around me.
I fell sick,again.
Bet you guys won't be suprised to hear me say that anymore.I'm down with a bad cold,a bitchy sorethroat,terrible cough and to add to it all,on and off fever.
><
School was ermm..how can i describe it?
Well,the bitches are still the same,or maybe even getting worse,homework is pilling up,haven't done much revision,Sejarah test part two is today and haven't got time to study that also.
And when i actually wanna study i fall sick.Oh how great.
Something happened aqgain.Just at the very last moment when i wanna give up hope on him.
Why?
Cause i just can't stand this pained feeling in my heart with every passing second without thinking about him.
And the fact that we're no longer talking also makes things worse.It just proves that there's no more chances for us to talk,make up or whatever.
So yeah,when i finally can make myself try to give up hope and try my very best to move on,something happened again to hold me back.
Something happened that made me wanna stay right here first,to wait for more to happen.I'm really glad and sad at the same time.
You should get what i'm saying. :D
Found out some nasty secrets from someone.Oh my gawd.
I really hope that this time it's for real.I don't wanna go through this pain feeling again,alright?
---
Haven't got much time to hang out with my dear friends lately.
Miss you guys sooo much! :'(
I can't believe that its already April.Four months have gone by just like that and i haven't done much revision yet.
Nothing much happened this few days,other then plain crap or just stuff that i don't wanna blog about here.
:)
My Sejarah test is the last period today.Hopefully i can have some time to read through my notes.That is if i can have the energy to do so.I'm still very sick,remember?
;D
Again,i have to say this.If you don't like me (FYI i never ask you to like me ok) then don't waste your time to read my blog,view my profile at Friendster (every single day?) and sent stupid comments and all those shits.
Just don't alright?
If you don't wanna add me,then don't.Don't add me,then delete me,then add me again...
By the way,stop viewing my profile also alright?
It really is bugging me.
I just hate it.That's all.Don't ask why.
I'm not like some people that add people on Friendster just for the sake of filling their friends list up.How pathetic.
As for me,i seldom(i mean really seldom) add people up.Either that person add me or just simply don't bother to add me.Simple right?
And for those who add me for fun/to fil their friend's list/to steal my friends and also those who added me and just hang there,i'll delete you guys sooner or later.
I'm just too lazy to make a second account.
I'm not like some people who thinks that the mroe account they have,the better/more famous they are on friendster.
Puh-lease.
As for those bitches,i'll delete them sooner or later.I don't need shit people on my Friendster.Wasting my space only.
So if your wondering,all those people on my friends list are indeed my real friends and we do keep in touch.Cause even if were freidns but we don't keep in touch,then i'm sorry but your also a goner.
Call me lan c whatever,but that's the way i do things at Friendster.
And i just hate those people who put up pictures of cartoons/animes etc.
You don't know how they really look like and it just creeps you out when youn think more of it.
So in case your wondering again,i don't simply give away my MSN contact and i won't approve any request who doesn't have their photos unless i know them.
So once again,all my contacts on MSN has their very own display pictures.
Simple as that.
And also to all the fakers out there.Don't other either ok?
Just wasting my time only.
-my soul cries for you-
Boy , I Love You .
9:56 AM
♥ Monday, April 16, 2007
[Mood:Can't describe it.Mix emotions i guess?] [Listening to:Sounds made by the monkeys]
Yupp.I'm in school now.
Today is the day.The final of this thing i'm going through right now.
Not gonna elaborate much on that.
I seriously can't stand those idiots in my current school.It's like they were born without brains or something.Or were they?
Trying to act like some "taiko" it seems.Puh-lease.
You guys don't even understand a damm thing.
And in turn i feel really sorry for you instead.
Fucking bastard.
Just by making more noise etc shouting and acting cool,that makes you a "taiko"?A gangster?A Ah Beng.(Oh wait.You probably don't even know what Ah Beng's are.)
You are just a stupid spoiled brat that was brought up in a private school.You haven't even seen the outside world.No,not even once.
And here you are trying to act like a taiko.
I will give up shopping if you could ever be a true taiko.Which i know will never happen.
And even if you can get to be a gangster one day,you're just gonna be a follower.A gang member.Nothing big.A taiko?Never.
And the only way that you can ever get to be a follower by the very least,you must have beg hard just to get that post.Maybe you're just assigned to watch out for cops or something.
Even a 12 year old boy can do that.
So can you guys roughly get what i'm trying to say this time?
About how idiotic this people are.
And somemore i taught that this is a private school so people here are more smart and all in a way.But hell was i wrong.They are ermm.. how can i say it?
They are no difference from the boys in government school.
Pathetic.Useless.Hopeless.No future.
Don't wanna condemn more.Haha.
You've already got the picture.
I felt like changing school again.Going to the same school as Aki.
But changing school is a lot of trouble.Even if its private school.
Well,guess i'll just have to stick here till i complete form5.
Or maybe i might get lucky and can stop schooling instead?
Nahh,i won't get that lucky.Means 2 more years with the monkeys.
I'll just have to bear in mind that it'll all be over soon.2 years..
I'm sure my studies will keep me busy enough to bother about the rest.
Wonder what he'll be doing when he completed form 5..?
Hopefully he'll be alright no matter what happens.
But sadly,after today,i'll have to keep to my promise i made.
So that's why i mentioned earlier.
It all lays in God's hands,for today is the day.
Oh well.
You wanna know what i'm talking about?
Read my next post to find out.
:D
Friendster is really testing my patience.
I chat through testi everyday with my friends and suddenly i can't reply sny of their testi and they got worry about me.
Fucking Friendster.
Hopefully it's ok today.
I have a whole load of testi to reply.
Sorry guys.Blame Friendster instead.
My Enrichment period is ending soon.
More updates later.
-its now or never-
Boy , I Love You .
10:30 AM
♥ Sunday, April 15, 2007
[Mood:Sad + Happy] [Listening to:Brown Eyes by S.H.E]
Saturday's post.
---
I went for the International Understanding Day organised by SMKAlamMegah at Kelab Shah Alam yesterday.
And boy was it a rocking event.
Will upload the photos later.
The whole event was entertaining till the very end.
The dancers/performers/shufflers/breakdancers are the main event of the show.
Watching them dance make you feel as if all the other performers/dancers you've seen at the other events are just all basic learners.
No offense to anyone here.
I'm trying to promote not to end up insulting someone else.
:D
Saw Vivian Noel,Simon and Saielesh there.
They also invited a guy to give a speech about a disease call Alzemia.(Forgotten the spelling).
The guy made the speech interesting by blending it into a story that catch the attention of the younger generations,us.
Then we had lunch.Was introduced to more people during this time.
After that the Fly.fm team came and played a game called the "shower" game with us.
Lazy to elaborate.
But the game was a bit dirty but very fun.
Hahas.
Gave away t-shirts and CD's.
More performance after that.
Snap a some pics and i had to go already.Sad that i have to leave the place not because of other things but its because i don't know when would i get to meet Vivian and Aishah again.
Boy , I Love You .
3:11 PM
♥ Saturday, April 14, 2007
[Mood: [Listening to:S.H.E]
I lloovvee this girls.
They rock smelly socks.
Hahas.
Friendster is totally testing my patience right now.
I have so many testi and comments to rpely but when i wanna reply them,friendster just won't allow me to do so.
Just great.
Going out now.Big event today.
More updates later.
Bye~~
-pray for the best-
Boy , I Love You .
11:32 AM
♥ Friday, April 13, 2007
[Mood:Fucking EMO/Sad] [Listening to:Wo Men Zhen Me Le by S.H.E]
I'm sooo stressed i felt like just breaking down.
Trying my best to sell out all the tickets by today but people in my school just don't know how to give co-operation at all.
Well,atleast i could still relay on some of you guys.Thanks alot for helping me out just now.^^
Jason did not come.Why i'm not suprised.He told me to collect the money from Nicholas and when i ask Nicholas he says he doesn't have the money.
WTF..?!
My patience has a limit also ok.
And i told him to pay me tomorrow at the event but he says he doesn't want to go and will pay me the money on Monday cause Aishah's already paid for him.
Reason why?
Well,long story short.He did somehitng really really bad to me and my friends and he still thinks that i doesn't know anythin,but i confesed everyhtin yesterday which lead to an argument with him.
And he suspects that i'm gonna get people to beat him up at the event.
Blady hell,it was so funny when he siad that i can't stop laughing and when i told Aki she laughed her ass off.
Stupid asshole.
Anyway,had St.John training today.Was sitting there day dreaming not paying much attention.
I just can't pay attention as there's just so much going on in my mind.
And i had the practical session later on which doesn't help much as i'v enot pay much attention and can't perform it well.
But C.K was patient with me and i just suddenly crack.
I haven't smile, laugh much from the bottom of my heart lately.And when i'm sad/depressed/emo i just tend to laugh alot.
And i did.I laughed till i cried.Thank God i managed to control my emotions.Lucky i stopped before i start to let everything out.
I was being like this after i talked to him.What he did to me.No,he never scold me,insult me or anything that might come into your mind while reading this.Its he's action/the way he talked particularly to me just now that hurts so much.
And no he wasn' t being rude or trying to ignore me all.Its not that.
Arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh
I also don't want things to end this way.But i have no other way of putting it anymore.
-I'm afriad to say,but this could be the end of something beautiful-
Boy , I Love You .
8:09 PM
♥ Thursday, April 12, 2007
[Mood: [Listening to:-]
Now is my lunch break and on Wed and Thurs i'm suppose to have BM remedial classes but its cancelled last minute today.
;D
So that's why i'm blogging right now.
I just found out some shit just now.Wasn't that shock when i heard about it though.
Was already suspecting it.But why?
Among all the people in this freaking world,why her??!!
Gosh.
This feeling sucks right now.
Dammit.He did not come today.And i had to confirm today about who's coming.
Aki's rushing me for the dateline.
Help?
-do you feel it now?-
Boy , I Love You .
1:12 PM
♥
[Mood:Shit] [Listening to:Drum souns by the people practing for tomorrow's prize giving ceremony.Yupp,i'm blogging in school now.]
Let me start off with yesterday's post alright?
I just need to blog about yesterday. :)
---
Wednesday's post.
School was a total boreeeeee.
To make things worse i ahd the 2nd half of my presentation to complete and the sight of those bitches doesn't help things at all.
Boy,i'm so fucking mad at those bitches.I don't know how much longer i can stand them.Felt like ripping off their heads any second now.
FYI,did you ever heard of this term, "If you can't speak english,then don't?And don't try to be someone you're not,as you'll just make a complete fool of yourself?"
Someone seriously has to spell that word to your face or just stick it to your head as i don't see any other way to get it into that stupid head of yours?
Better stop myself before i get into more details about it.Cause these bitches just has to much shit for me to bitch about them.
Even one whole post is not enough.
Get it now don't you?
:D
Anyway,my presentation for BM turn out to be ok.I did not have to write teacher let me explain straight from the computer using the projecter.
It all went well.
x)
Aki told me that she'll try to come to my school today but i don't think its possible cause it's a last minute thing and she has no one to send her to my school.
But guess what?As i have Enrichment for my last two periods at school,i went down to the library.
So the last ten minutes before the last bell rang i went up stairs to my class.
And outside the corridor of the first floor was,none other then Aki!
I was shock to see her at first.I almost couldn't believe my eyes.
And then it all sank in really quick and i was rushing over to her.
God knows how much i miss her!
The last time we've meet is like last year..?
She hasn't change much.Still as lively and bubbly as last time.
So we walked into the row of classrooms and went to my class.Had to persuade Mr.Lee to elt me enter and take my bag cause the bell has not ring yet.
Idiot teacher.Aki laugh when she found out that he's the teacher who speaks english and BM with a funny accent.
Then on the way to the toilet,Afiq and Denny pass by me.We exchanged quick smiles and suddenly Aki called out to him.I was standing there looking really blur as to why has she called him suddenly.
Then Afiq turn and they look so shock to see each other there.Not forgetting me which is still stund there looking really blur.
Then only i know that Afiq is AKi's brother,Ahmad's friend as well AND he's from SMK USJ 4 once.
I've also just found out taht he's re-taking form 5 again.
-.-
Hang around and got people to buy the tickets.Saw Charlie passing by and i don't know what made me did it but i just straight away called out his name.
And he turn and stopped.Told him about the tickets and something he did made me smile until now.
Just something small like that made such a big change.
My God..
Don't wanna elaborate much on that as i'm afraid more rumours will come up.
Michelle came to me and ask:-
Mich:Eh,i wan ask you somthing hor.. Ting: What is it? Mich:You know right,that got alot of people say you and Jason couple. Ting:WTF?!Who say i couple with him.Puh-leasee.. Mich:Oh.Okok.Relax.
After that i turn to Aki.Was to lazy to entertain this kinda people already.
Done with the rumours of me and Charlie now with Jason!
What the hell?
Can't you guys just learn to shut up?
I'm sure more rumours will be around today for sure.
I just had to wait for it to reach my ears,that's all.
But i wasn't going to let that ruin my day.
Kept on chatting with Aki and later on Ahmad sent me home.Ridzuan was also in the car.
Miss you guys..
In the car they were talking about,guess who?Afiq.
Hahas.
Went home,online,worked,slept.
Simple right.
---
And its only this morning that i found out i have a Sej test on form 1 and 2 chapters and i haven't studied at all.
Shit!!
@_@
Help me.
Thank God teacher switch the lessons and Sej is the last lesson of the day replacing BM so i can try and cramp something into my brain.
=3
Gonna stop for awhile now.Break time now.
Will update more tonight. :)
-you gave me new ray of light filled with hope-
Boy , I Love You .
9:19 AM
♥ Wednesday, April 11, 2007
[Mood: [Listening to:-]
In school now using the library's com.
The keyboard is so damm hard to type!
Can't they just change it?
They should seriously stop the primary kids from using it.
Bah.
School was a bore as usual.The fun schooling days for me in this school i suppose is already long over.
The friends that i once used to love and care about are no longer considered as my friends.The person whom i love really deeply and look forward to meeting him everyday is no longer my special somene.
Even trying to talk to him is so difficult.Its like i'm asking for the moon or something.
His friends aren't much of a help anyway.
They either really really blur or just plain stupid because they all knows about me and him and the feeling we had for each other and yet they don't know how to actually give us some time "together".
Argh.
Everytie i think about this i get so annoyed i felt like ripping my hard out so that i would never have to feel the pain of losing someone/not being able to be with the one that you actually love.
It just sucks.
You won't understand that feeling until you've actually loved someone not like butlove.
Its not that i'm not making the effort here.
Its just that i need a chance.1 chance is all i'm asking for.
I've already made up my mind to start a new relationship with you as friends.Best friends like what you've said.
But do you know about that?
Or you think that i'm still mad at you?
Are you reading this now?
I miss talking to you so much.
I don't even know why am i still bothering to stay at this school anymore.
There's nothing left here for me to stay back anymore.
Or is it just because of i can't letgo of what's happening now?
Is it cause i don't wanna let go or i can't let go?
I 'm so confused right now that there's things running through my mind very single passing second.
---
Don't think that just because i'm keeping quiet i'm unaware of what's happening ok.
The reason i kept quiet is because i'm tired of this shit your doing and i'm trying to keep a low profile here.
So don't try and cross the line or i'll make sure you'll regret it.
You bitch.
I swear you'll regret if you try to cause more problem.
You're nothing but a cheap slut,a whore.I'm nothing like you.So get the fuck outta my life as your leaving unnessary footprints there.
You'll be recieving a visit soon from your "ex" it seems.
I'm looking forward to it.=)
-What should i do now?-
Boy , I Love You .
2:45 PM
♥ Sunday, April 08, 2007
[Mood: =) ] [Listening to:Beautiful Liar by Beyonce and Shakira]
Spend most of the day staying in.
Got free tickets from Jasaon L to go Kanye West's consert tonight but i rejected.And some more i'm a HUGE fan of Kanye West.
Reason why?
Cause i'm not in the mood to go out,meet new people then party the night away.
And i'm so depressed right now.And when i'm depressed i tend to try and act as if i'm really happy so that people don't get worry about me and when i go out to party i'll really overdo it.
Like drinking,dancing etc like mad.
So i'm gonna have to take some self control and decide to stay in instead.
And i would not be able to enjoy myself much without xxxxx.
I don't know what to say anymore.
I guess the only thing left to say is that..
I GIVE UP. I SURRENDER. YOU WIN.HE'S YOURS NOW.YOU MAY HAVE HIM.
I just had it.Just to let you know who am i talking about here?
I'm talking about Charlie and the bitches.
Haha.
I'm tired of fighting all this while and kept getting myself hurt.Cause when you fall down its really really hard to stand back up again.
But i'm not giving up on him.I never gave up on him.I just gave up fighting for him.That's all.
Cause i've really had it this time.I'm done with it once and for all.
But that doesn't mean that i will leave things this way.
Of course i won't.
No matter how hard it is i still will try to make things ok between us.
I want us to be friends again.Start over new as nothing but friends.Best friends as you've once said is the best way to start over new.
I've gone through so much this four months.And i've learnt alot.
So now the best way is just to think of you as nothing more then a best friend.A pet brother of mine.
Things would also be easier this way.I would not have to worry much about unnecessary things anymore.As we're friends. :)
And as for them,i've also decide to just remain as friends with them.
That's the best way isn't it?
:D
Sad i'll be but i know that i'm able to make it through and get over this.Time is all it takes.
Now i just pray that we can be friends again by starting over new this time from me and enjoy the remaining days we had together.
So for all you Sedayans out there who's reading my blog now,i hereby announce that i have nothing to do with Charlie anymore on my very part.
So please leave me alone now will you?
I've played my part well and now is just depending on him to make the decision.
And to those who has been bugging me with these questions,just read my blog to find out about it ok?
I don't wanna answer the whole secondary block the same question over and over again.
x)
So now i'm just gonna focus on my studies and nothing else.Aki aren't you proud of me? :D
-this is the best way out-
Boy , I Love You .
4:25 PM
♥ Saturday, April 07, 2007
[Mood:Sad] [Listening to:Yue Gui Nv Shen]
I don't think that for the time bieng i will actually find true happiness and peace anymore.
Im feeling so sad now i don't know what should i do next?
I cry till i can cry no more so don't suggest that i let my feelings/emotions out.
I'm really sad now so if you know what happen then you know la but if you don't then stop asking me what happened and pretend to care ok?
---
Friday's post
School's ok.
Had St.John meeting and everything was quite ok.
Sneak out when they were doing practical with Michelle.Went to yam cha with Jia Yin and Jia Qin at a mamak stall.On the wall meet lots of perverted guys.
Argh.
Get a life please.
On the way back meet them again.
And i saw this white dog that enters our school before and it came really really close to me.
I freaked out and ran.
People at the bsb court saw and stare.Some of them even laugh.
Damm malu la wei.
But i'm ok with it.Its pretty funny anyway.
Hahas.All Michelle's fault. -.-
Went home and something major happened.Omg.
Cried like hell cause of that.Cried till my eye was so sore i can't continue any longer.
Again please don't ask me what happen.I don't wanna start from the very beginning and relieve the whole thing again.
So please don't ok.
--- Went to Mid Valley today.
Many people call me and kept making arrangments with me to go hangout.
Had too many invitations that i don't know where to go.Invatations to go shopping complex,church,friends house,parties and also to pub.
I don't know where to go and i end up not going to any of it.
I'm so sorry you guys.
---
This's post's nothing much just me expressing how i'm feeling lately.
So if you're not interested then stop reading.
After all its my blog not yours so i have the right to blog about whatever i want.
x)
I think i'm finally able to step out and say this.
That i've finally find the courage to do this.
And i'm gonna do what i have to do.
I don't need to care about what other people think about what i do,say,who i mix with and all.
Afterall like everyone said its my life not theirs.
So if you guys see me talking to other guys and try to judge me in anyway then all i can say is "Fuck off".
I don't need no one to judge me.
And none of you has the right or are even in the rightful postion to do so.
You can call me lala,bitch,slut,whore whatever.I don't care anymore.Why should i even care?
By caring just makes you guys even happier that i' m annoyed or that i actually do care.
So now i don't anymore.
Boy , I Love You .
9:43 PM
♥ Thursday, April 05, 2007
[Mood:Nervous] [Listening to:-]
Using school's com to blog now so no song available.
I signed up for BM remedial classes yesterday.All the girls in my class went except for them.And only 3 person from Alpha class if i'm not wrong.
Why is it you ask that they never decide to attend the remedial classes although they know that their BM is very weak?
Cause one girl doesn't want and so it just happens that all of them,once again just follow suit.
So get it now?
Although everyone's saying that i don't need the extra classed cause my BM is already very good,but i still feel that there's room for improvement.Nobody's perfect what.
And i'm not taking any tuition classes so i'm sure this will do good for me.
I'm actually quite shocked with my own self if you may ask.I've never bother to do any of this before cause i've just lost the interest in studying that results to me skipping school and all and here i am now signing myself up for remedial classes during lunch break everyday Wednesday and Thursday.
And Miss Mumthaz clearly states there that we must enter every single classes unless with very good and solid reasons.
Gonna have my Science test after my break time.Gosh.I'm a little bit nervous cause i wanna get good grades atleast a B.But i haven't studied much and i had to study while eating after this.
Argh.
My remedial class starts today.Hmph..40 minutes of studying BM.Not very long now that i think of it. :D
---
He did not come again today.Do you know that when you said you don't want me to be worry about you but how can i not?
The way your constantly skipping school and all is just not right.If your the type that skips school and all for fun,to hang out with friends all i understand.
But the thing now is that your skipping school cause your trying to avoid facing your own problems and that's just not right.
You can't avoid it forever.And i can't forever try to avoid talking to you in certain conditions.
If you keep on doing this..then when only will i get the chance to discuss everything with you?
And there's no one i would like to trust very much in this school anymore cause the people here ain't who you think they are.No offense to anyone out there but if you've never done anything that you should not do to me then there's no point in feeling guilty or bad about this post.
---
And you guys..
Why do you have to be so afraid?
Do you know that everyone has their own right to do whatever they wants?
So you don't have to worry about what your friends will say.Just follow your heart and do what you think is right ok?
Because whatever it is,i'll always be here for you guys.
---
The 3 of you has made so much changes in my life in such a short time.
You guys made me learn from wrong to right.
Made me appreciate life.
Made me view things from a new angle.
Made me happy.
Made me sad.
Made me realise that its ok to cry.Its ok to break down.
You guys brought 1001 emotions to my life.You guys changed everything in me.You guys made me become a better person.
Although i'm going through alot of hard times thinking and missing you guys so much,but i never blamed you all for anything.
As i've realised that there's no point in blamming someone.Instead try to make the best outta the situation instead.
And so i will. :)
-baby,i miss ur smile-
Boy , I Love You .
9:20 AM
♥ Wednesday, April 04, 2007
[Mood:Sad] [Listening to:Say Goodbye by Jordan Knight and Deborah Gibson]
I'm sooo addicted to this song.Its just plain awesome.
The lirics is really meaningful.It describes so many things.
Did a little bit of my Geo folio.Having Science test tomorrow and i haven't study at all.
Some more i wanna score an A this time.I can't stand the feeling of losing to those people.Argh.I just can't.
So that means i'm gonna get less sleep again tonight and instead try to cramp everyhting into my mind.
I'm just wondering how am i gonna do that with all the problems floating around in my mind?
Not trying to show off or whatsoever but i mean i cannot let them beat me at this.Cause they are just a bunch of sad losers who is nothing but a plain poser that has no future at all.
I know i'm mean but that's just me.Love me or hate me you decide.
I would have not been so mean if your not so bitchy.
I sleep in class just this one time also you wanna sibuk.Go mind your own business la.Even if i miss 10 classes also doesn't amtter.You better off worry about yourself or you'll just follow in your friend's footsteps as that's what you guys do best right?
By following one another?When one go gets herself fucked up by some loser and the next one will follow suit.
That's a fact that no one can argue with me.
I don't care anymore.You read this also i don't give a fucking damm.You have caused enough problem in my life and i've had it.
I'm not gonna give face to you anymore or pretend to be nice and forced out a smile.
><
Oh God help me please..
I'm so close to breaking down that i don't think i can take another serious blow.
Will tomorrow be the day?
Or should i just follow everyone's advice and just go confront him?
What am i gonna do..?
Boy , I Love You .
8:08 PM
♥
[Mood: [Listening to:-]
Sorry for the lack of updates.
Was really busy lately.And now i'm blogging using the school's computer.
Even when i go online at home i seldom have time to blog because i devote most of my online time to chatting at Friendster and MSN.
School's been really shit lately.Not that i can do much about it though.
The only person that can make me smile now is just him.Although seeing him makes me happy but at the very same time it makes me really sad as well.
Sounds really stupid right?
But its not as easy or simple as you think.Its much much more complicatd then that ok.
Its the time where we'll have to do folios for some certain subjects and projects all.Argh..
I seriously hate it.
Esspecially KH project.Common la,everyone that knows me knows that i'm not a kinda girl that likes to do all this project kayu thingy.
And its so hot ok.The only place in school without air-conditioner.I mean the room has la but not the place for us to cook,saw wood etc.
I just can't stand heat and everyone knows that fact about me.
Been having a rough time at school,home,work..basically everywhere.
I'm more hardworing lately.Been concentrating more in classes,completing work and all. :D
---
Don't you just hate it when you wake up every morning knowing that you will have to get your ass outta your comfy bed early in the morning and end up sepnding the day having to face some bitch/bastard that you hate so much that you wish they just die off?
Well,that's what i'm facing right now.
And it ain't easy handling all my "never-ending-problems".
It really isn't.
Hilary and Aki was always therefor me.Only God knows how much i LOVE you guys.
Thanks to all my pet bros/sis and friends who are always there for me giving me support and making sure that i never give up no matter what happens.
I'm finally learning to appreciate the people around me and not taking them for granted anymore.
Cause someone can just enter and leave your life just like that.And when certain things happen and you lose someone maybe that's the end of it all.Cause in life you don't always get second chances.
As for me i believe thateveryone deserves second chances for all that they've done.And so do you and me.But are you willing to give yourself a second chance?
If i can push it all away and try again why can't you?
I know that your having a rough time now and so am i.
Your not the only one facing problems now.Our time together is running out.
Do you wanna pass everyday like this?
If your friend can have the guts to get to know me,talk to me then why can't you atleast try?
You know i love you.Isn't that the most important thing as you've said..?
Baby i really miss you so much.I wish that your reading this so atleast youknow how i feel for you.
And i wanna let you know that your the person that i love.Not your friends.But its hard to keep holding on when there's so much going on.
So please,do something before i completly give up on you.Because i'm afraid i'm already starting to.
